It’s 2:00 pm and you have a brunch reservation with your girlfriends. The unlimited mimosas are pouring and loud laughter is ensuing, but soon you realize that the conversation has turned to men. You hear the complaints about how men date, how cheap the new generation of men is, how much they push for sex, how disappointing it is to date, and how they will forever be alone. Initially, you didn’t mind this conversation because we all have romance issues, but after the third brunch, you realize that this is a habit. Moreover, an issue. You are ok with being single, but even though your friends say they are too, their conversation does not look like it.
This is a result of societal conditioning. For far too long, we’ve associated women’s happiness with obtaining a husband and building a family. So much so, that women have internalized this idea and feel as though they have no identity, no happiness, and will never be content if they don’t have these things.
So, to break this habit of turning every conversation into complaints about men or believing deep down inside that you will be unhappy if you don’t obtain a man or a family or constantly thinking about men. I’ve outlined ways to make you center yourself and be happy about it:
1. Stop Pausing Your Life
Whatever you want to experience, you can. Yet, you don’t because you are waiting for someone you don’t know nor have you met to rescue you and take you along their venture. Why are you pausing your life for someone who isn’t guaranteed? Why are you pausing your life for someone you do not know? You are living in a hypothetical situation and in turn, wasting your time.
2. Get a Life
You yearn to experience life with someone. Yet, if I asked you about your typical week, you'd tell me you go to work, go home, and sometimes go out. That isn't life; that is a boring routine, and nothing is exciting about it. Maybe you aren't yearning for a man; maybe you are just yearning to fill your life with interesting things.
3. Examine your childhood traumas
Society taught people who desire men that obtaining one will result in happiness ever after. So, anytime we are unhappy, we use the solution that society has provided us: to get a man. However, most of the time, we mistake the aching from childhood traumas for loneliness.
4. Stop talking about dick all the time
If you had a friend that called you every week and the only topic she talked about was dick, you’d be frustrated with her. You’d ask her if she had other things to talk about. You’d ignore the phone calls because you live a full life and there are other things you’d like to think about.
When you go out with your friends, do your best to talk about other things because lamenting about a dick you don’t have, a dick that you aren’t quite there with, and a dick that you’d want is an absolute waste of time.
5. Get a Hobby
Get a hobby. Often, it isn't that you are missing a man; it is that you are just bored. So, fill your time with your interests instead of yearning. Take a pole dancing class, learn an instrument, learn a language, and do anything besides crying about how lonely you are.
6. Build your community
The world is diverse. If you need anything or are interested in any topic, you can cultivate a community around it. If you are missing touch from your life, like cuddling, build a community that nurtures touch. If you yearn to go on dates, have a group of people to plan dates with. Fulfill your needs by creating and connecting with a community.
It isn’t hard to be happy if you realize that everything you need can be cultivated by you. Stop using men as an excuse as to why you aren’t happy. The problems lie within you.
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